11:12 - Scorn and Self-knowledge

משלי יא:יב

בָּז לְרֵעֵהוּ חֲסַר לֵב וְאִישׁ תְּבוּנוֹת יַחֲרִישׁ:

Mishlei 11:12

One who scorns his fellow is chasar leiv (lacks a heart), but an ish tevunos (man of understanding) will be silent.

Four Sentence Explanation

Unlike the chasar leiv who scorns and derides his fellow whenever the temptation arises, the ish tevunos restrains himself and keep silent. The ish tevunos understands that the desire (or urge) to scorn others stems from his own ego feeling hurt or threatened; he knows that lashing out at others is only a way of distracting himself from facing the true causes of his conflict, which are internal. He realizes that although he may derive temporary satisfaction from retaliating against the perceived offender, this will only lead to an ugly and volatile “battle of the egos,” and it is likely that his ego will suffer further harm from the battle and its aftermath; moreover, he recognizes that he runs the risk of making an enemy who will bear animosity and seek revenge in the future. Consequently, the ish tevunos will respond to his temptation to scorn his fellow by silencing himself and engaging in a process of introspection and self-analysis to discover the internal factors which caused his ego to feel insecure or wounded in the first place; in the long run, this self-knowledge will help him to avoid such ego-related suffering in the future, in addition to circumventing the consequences of scorning.  

12:18 - Sympathetic Pronouncements

משלי יב:יח

יֵשׁ בּוֹטֶה כְּמַדְקְרוֹת חָרֶב וּלְשׁוֹן חֲכָמִים מַרְפֵּא:

Mishlei 12:18 – Sympathetic Pronouncements

There is one who speaks like the piercings of a sword, but the tongue of the wise heals.

The term used for speech in this pasuk is “boteh” which connotes “official pronouncements,” as in, “or if a person will swear le’vatei sefasayim (pronounce with his lips)” (Vayikra 5:4). In certain cases, when a pronouncement is made which has a detrimental impact on its listeners, the announcer is utterly insensitive to the harsh and painful affect of his words; this occurs either because he lacks sympathy, or because he seeks to avoid sympathizing with the listener. Consequently, those who hear the pronouncement will be more resistant to accepting it and will likely harbor animosity towards its source; this will lead to interpersonal and systemic friction. The chachamim, on the other hand, will take the emotional affect of their words into consideration by putting themselves in the shoes of the listeners; they will make an effort to formulate their pronouncements in a manner that generates minimal discord, and which aims to undo or prevent the emotional damage that has or will be done. 

19:19 - Damage Control for Unstoppable Emotions

משלי יט:יט

גְּרָל [גְּדָל] חֵמָה נֹשֵׂא עֹנֶשׁ, כִּי אִם תַּצִּיל וְעוֹד תּוֹסִף:

Mishlei 19:19 – Damage Control for Unstoppable Emotions

A person of great wrath will incur punishment, for if you escape [from one situation], you will [only] increase [your punishment in another situation].

If a person knows he is angry, he might try to suppress his anger in order to avoid an inappropriate angry outburst. Although this is the proper thing to do, he might erroneously come to believe that by suppressing his anger, he has eliminated it altogether. This will lead him to lower his guard, thereby making him more susceptible to an angry outburst in when he least expects it. Thus, the only thing he can do is to exercise damage control – to continue to guard against angry outbursts in situations where the consequences will be most harmful, and strive to let out his anger in ways that cause minimal harm.

Real World Example:

During my 1^st period Mishlei class I noticed that two of the 11^th grade boys were pestering each other. Reuven stole Shimon’s notebook when he wasn’t looking, and when Shimon found out what happened, he retaliated with a biting insult. This only provoked Reuven further, causing him to lunge at Shimon. I intervened and made them stop by threatening to write up for disciplinary referrals for both of them. One of the other boys said, “They’ve been at each other’s throats all morning, during davening and breakfast.”

Shortly thereafter, between 2^nd and 3^rd period, Reuven was standing in front of Shimon’s locker. Shimon asked him to move out of the way, but Reuven didn’t budge. Apparently, that was the straw that broke the camel’s back. Shimon snapped and hit Reuven. Reuven fought back, and a scuffle quickly ensued. One of the senior rabbis stepped in to break them up, and this lead to something nobody anticipated. In an effort to get in one more hit, Shimon threw a punch at Reuven. Reuven ducked, and the punch grazed the rabbi’s face, knocking off his glasses! Nobody was severely hurt, but both Reuven and Shimon got suspended.

If Reuven and/or Shimon had found healthier outlets for their anger – perhaps even by sticking to verbal insults – it never would’ve built up to the point that it did, and most likely wouldn’t have resulted in the unpredictably severe outburst of punching a rabbi in the face. 

19:18 - Childish Parenting

משלי יט:יח

יַסֵּר בִּנְךָ כִּי יֵשׁ תִּקְוָה, וְאֶל הֲמִיתוֹ אַל תִּשָּׂא נַפְשֶׁךָ:

Mishlei 19:18 – Childish Parenting

Discipline your son, for there is hope; do not let yourself be swayed by his protest.

There are two factors which dissuade parents from disciplining their children: (1) the feeling that your child is already set in his ways, and there is no hope that he’ll change; (2) the negative feelings triggered by the thought of causing pain and suffering to your child, as expressed by his protesting and crying. Both deterrents stem from a short-sighted perspective. In truth, a young child is not set in his ways, and there is still hope – although things might seem hopeless at the present; his behavior and personality can still be influenced in the long-run by your discipline or lack thereof, for better or for worse. Likewise, your decision to discipline or not discipline your child should be based on long-term objectives and outcomes of parenting – not on the emotional state of your child at present, which will naturally be immature, shortsighted, and resistant to any form of discipline which involves immediate pain and conflict. Ironically, to allow oneself to be dissuaded by either of these two factors is to behave like a child. 

17:24 - Happiness in the Here and Now

משלי יז:כד

אֶת פְּנֵי מֵבִין חָכְמָה, וְעֵינֵי כְסִיל בִּקְצֵה אָרֶץ:

Mishlei 17:24 – Happiness in the Here and Now

Wisdom lies before an understanding person, but a fool’s eyes are in the end of the earth.

The meivin and the ksil have fundamentally different values, and this difference of values will result in a different focus of their energies. The ksil is dissatisfied with reality and is therefore unable to be happy in the present; instead, he is driven by a compulsive preoccupation with fantasies of future happiness. The meivin, on the other hand, values chochmah and derives enjoyment from thinking about it; since chochmah is everywhere and since the meivin has the capacity to understand and appreciate that chochmah, then he will always be satisfied. Consequently, the ksil will spend his entire life in pursuit of an ever-receding horizon of fantasy-based satisfaction and will die without ever having lived, whereas the meivin will live a full and enjoyable life in the present, enjoying the chochmah which lies before him at all times. 

17:13 - Mishleic Karma

משלי יז:יג

מֵשִׁיב רָעָה תַּחַת טוֹבָה, לֹא תָמיּשׁ [תָמוּשׁ] רָעָה מִבֵּיתוֹ:

Mishlei 17:13 – Mishleic Karma

If one repays good with bad, badness will not depart from his house.

For whatever reason, people have a latent expectation that good should be repaid with good; for this reason, the person who repays good with bad is universally abhorred. Such an individual is exceedingly egotistical: he believes that he is entitled to be the recipient of good from others, but at the same time, feels that he doesn’t owe them anything; not only that, but he feels free to treat them however he pleases, as though they are nothing but objects in his possession. As a direct consequence of this insensitive, egotistical way of relating to others, such an individual will be continually plagued by badness in four ways: 

1. People will hate him and resent him.
   
2. They will not be willing to do good for him, since they know their goodness will be repaid with badness.
   
3. His egotistical sense of entitlement will cause him to be remiss in his responsibilities towards the members of the systems of which he is a part; this will harm the system as a whole, and he – as a part of that system – will suffer as a consequence.
   
4. His egotism will generate excessive and unrealistic expectations of how others should relate to him, and these unfulfilled expectations will breed perpetual dissatisfaction, conflict, and distress. 

Although there is no such thing as actual Karma, the victim of this type of evil recompense can take solace in this “Mishleic Karma” and know with certainty that the perpetrator will suffer greatly as a “punishment” for the way he treats others.

17:12 - Hell Hath No Fury Like an Enraged Fool

משלי יז:יב

פָּגוֹשׁ דֹּב שַׁכּוּל בְּאִישׁ וְאַל כְּסִיל בְּאִוַּלְתּוֹ:

Mishlei 17:12

Better to for a man to confront a bear bereft of its cubs than [to confront] a fool in his foolishness.

Summary: 

A bear bereft of its cubs is in a state of instinctual, unthinking, animalistic rage; the same is true of a fool whose ego (or false sense of security) has been threatened and whose anger has been aroused. However, the fool is much more dangerous than the bear for the following reasons: 

1. The bear has a very narrow range of activity, making it relatively easy to anticipate what it might do and to take the necessary precautions; the fool, on the other hand, has a wide variety of retaliatory actions at his disposal and is willing to go to any lengths to get his revenge, making him unpredictable and difficult to guard against.
   
2. The danger level of the bear is apparent to all, whereas the fool might appear to be totally harmless, when – in truth – he is just waiting for the right moment.
   
3. No one in his right mind deludes himself into thinking that he can control an enraged bear, but when dealing with a fool, it is easy to fall prey to the illusion that one has more control than one actually has.

For these reasons (and more), one should avoid provoking fools, and steer clear of fools who have already been provoked.

Related Sources:

"חָכָם יָרֵא וְסָר מֵרָע, וּכְסִיל מִתְעַבֵּר וּבוֹטֵחַ" (משלי יב:טז)
“A wise man fears and turns away from harm, but a fool is enraged and confident” (Mishlei 12:16).

ריש לקיש אמר: כל אדם שכועס, אם חכם הוא - חכמתו מסתלקת ממנו (פסחים סב:)
Reish Lakish said: Anyone who becomes angry – if he is wise, his wisdom departs from him.