19:19 - Damage Control for Unstoppable Emotions

משלי יט:יט

גְּרָל [גְּדָל] חֵמָה נֹשֵׂא עֹנֶשׁ, כִּי אִם תַּצִּיל וְעוֹד תּוֹסִף:

Mishlei 19:19 – Damage Control for Unstoppable Emotions

A person of great wrath will incur punishment, for if you escape [from one situation], you will [only] increase [your punishment in another situation].

If a person knows he is angry, he might try to suppress his anger in order to avoid an inappropriate angry outburst. Although this is the proper thing to do, he might erroneously come to believe that by suppressing his anger, he has eliminated it altogether. This will lead him to lower his guard, thereby making him more susceptible to an angry outburst in when he least expects it. Thus, the only thing he can do is to exercise damage control – to continue to guard against angry outbursts in situations where the consequences will be most harmful, and strive to let out his anger in ways that cause minimal harm.

Real World Example:

During my 1^st period Mishlei class I noticed that two of the 11^th grade boys were pestering each other. Reuven stole Shimon’s notebook when he wasn’t looking, and when Shimon found out what happened, he retaliated with a biting insult. This only provoked Reuven further, causing him to lunge at Shimon. I intervened and made them stop by threatening to write up for disciplinary referrals for both of them. One of the other boys said, “They’ve been at each other’s throats all morning, during davening and breakfast.”

Shortly thereafter, between 2^nd and 3^rd period, Reuven was standing in front of Shimon’s locker. Shimon asked him to move out of the way, but Reuven didn’t budge. Apparently, that was the straw that broke the camel’s back. Shimon snapped and hit Reuven. Reuven fought back, and a scuffle quickly ensued. One of the senior rabbis stepped in to break them up, and this lead to something nobody anticipated. In an effort to get in one more hit, Shimon threw a punch at Reuven. Reuven ducked, and the punch grazed the rabbi’s face, knocking off his glasses! Nobody was severely hurt, but both Reuven and Shimon got suspended.

If Reuven and/or Shimon had found healthier outlets for their anger – perhaps even by sticking to verbal insults – it never would’ve built up to the point that it did, and most likely wouldn’t have resulted in the unpredictably severe outburst of punching a rabbi in the face.